THIS IS IN MY MARQUEE

Santa-Banta


Santa at Magic Door

Santa took his wife and son into to the big city shopping one saturday. As they approached town, they were astonished by the sky scrapers.

Santa never having been to the big city himself decided to let the wife out at the local mall while he and the son did some sight- seeing.

They entered a large building with an enormous lobby. The son noticed this door on the wall and ask Santa what it was for?

Santa not knowing decided to get closer for better observation. A few minutes later a old lady with a cane comes over and presses a button located near the door, the door opens and the old lady enters a small room. The door proceeds to close and Santa and son stand there amazed as lights blink over the door when all of a sudden the door opens and a very beautiful young lady exits.

Astonished, Santa looks at his son while scratching his head, and say's, "Son, I don't know what just happened, but run fast and fetch your mother."




Vegetarian Chicken



Each Friday night after work, Santa would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a tandoori chicken and some meat kebabs. But, all of his neighbours were strict Catholics and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating chicken and meat on a Friday.


The delicious aroma from the grilled meats was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their Priest. The Priest came to visit Santa, and suggested that he become a Catholic.


After several classes and much study, Santa attended Mass and as the priest sprinkled holy water over him, he said, “You were born a Sikh, and raised a Sikh, but now, you are a Catholic."


Santa’s neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived. The wonderful aroma of tandoori chicken and meat kebabs filled the neighbourhood.


The Priest was called immediately by the neighbors and, as he rushed into Santa's backyard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.


There stood Santa, holding a small bottle of holy water which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meats and chanted: "Oye, you waz born a chicken, and you waz born a lamb, you waz raised a chicken, and you waz raised a lamb but now yara, you are a potato and tomato"!




Santa`s Furniture Business


Santa, a furniture dealer decided that he wanted to expand the line of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he could find.


After arriving in Paris (this being his first trip ever to the French capital), he met with some manufacturers and finally selected a new range of furniture that he thought would sell well back home in India.


To celebrate the new acquisition, he decided to visit a pub and have a glass of wine. As he sat down enjoying his wine, soon enough, a very beautiful attractive young lady came to his table, asked him something in French (which he did not understand), and motioned toward the chair.


He invited her to sit down. He tried to speak to her in Hindi, Punjabi & English, but she did not speak or know any of these languages. So, after a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her, he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her.


She nodded, and he ordered a glass of wine for her.


After sitting together at the table for a while, he took another napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.


They left the pub and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music. They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a picture of a couple dancing.


She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe closed and the band was packing up.


Then, after they were back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture of a bed.


Till this day, the Santa has no idea how she figured out that he was in the furniture




Beautiful Models


Santa and Banta were looking at a catalog and admiring the models.


Santa says to the Banta, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?"


Banta replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"


Santa says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one."


Banta smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too."


Three weeks later, Banta asks Santa, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the catalog?"


Santa replies, "No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"


Santa`s Clients



Santa was in coats but unfortunately business was very bad.


One day his partner Banta said to him, “What are we going to do with these fifty coats? They’re last year’s style and even though we’ve knocked them down to Rs 1000 each, we still can’t sell any.”


Santa replied, “Use your head, Banta. Price them at Rs 2000 and send 10 of our best clients five coats each. But here’s the plan. Put in an invoice for Rs 8000 for only four coats. If I know them, my clients will think we’ve made a mistake. They’ll jump at a bargain and pay the Rs 8000.”


“What a terrific idea,” said Banta. “I’ll send them out today.”


Two week’s later, Banta says to Santa, “What a stupid idea it was. Every one of those clients returned the parcel and the invoice, but only sent back four coats.”

Banta`s Date



Banta called his friend, Santa, and told him that he recently met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?


Santa said, "Send her some flowers, and on the card invite her for a home-cooked meal."


Banta liked the idea, so he invited the woman.


The day after the meal Santa calls Banta and asks about the meal.


Banta, "It was a flop idea."


Santa, "Didn't the girl come to your house?"


Banta, "She did, but she refused to cook!"

Misunderstanding



The homeowner was delighted with the way Santa had done all the paintwork on his house.


"You did a great job," he said as he handed Santa his fees. "Also, in order to thank-you, here's an extra 500 bucks to take the wife out to dinner and a movie."


Santa declined, saying, "No, I can't accept that."


"I insist," said the man. "It would make me very happy if you do it."


"Well," said Santa reluctantly, but with appreciation, "If you really don't mind it, I'll do it."


Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was Santa, standing there in clean clothes, holding a bouquet of flowers.


Thinking that Santa had forgotten something he asked, "What's the matter, did you leave something behind?"


"Nope," replied Santa. "I'm just here to take the wife out to dinner and a movie like you asked."